The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

My Mommy Moment happened just this evening, I was playing with Thing 1 and I went to blow a raspberry on her belly when she brought her head forward and, with her chin, nailed my left eye. I currently am sporting a wonderful shiner and I can honestly laugh about it. It would not have been the case last week.

I was a grump last week. I admit it, I could have won the award for grumpiest wife/mommy hands down. But there was nothing anyone could have done to fix it. Because I have Postpartum Depression.

I know there are many women who deal with this particular issue after giving birth. This is just my story of what I am currently dealing with.

After I had Thing 1 in November of 2010, I experienced what I thought was just the Baby Blues. It was the Christmas, which is my favorite time of year, but I was so sad and feeling very detached and isolated even though family was all around me. I was struggling with breastfeeding Thing 1. There were latching issues and other things that were sandbagging our efforts at breast-feeding exclusively. To top it all off, Thing 1 would only nurse in the football hold and refused to eat if there was a nursing cover over her head. So whenever I needed to feed her, which at the time was every 45 minutes to 90 minutes, I would have to excuse myself to another room. I began to resent myself and the baby, pretty much everything in general. When I started to supplement with formula when Thing 1 was about 2 months old, things got a little easier. Then she had Colic. If any of you have ever had a child with Colic, you understand that it takes amounts of patience and compassion that are almost superhuman to deal with your child. Needless to say it did not help the “blues”. Only after I had managed to get through that time, did I realize that what I had actually been experiencing was Postpartum Depression. My hubby encouraged me to talk to someone while I was going through it, but denied that I needed any help. I wish I had.

The last 2 weeks have been rough. Thing 2 is still nursing beautifully and growing wonderfully. She makes me smile every day and I am so proud to be her Mommy. Thing 1 is so smart! She is only 18 months old and she is beginning to speak in sentences. Maybe I am just biased but I think she is very smart for her age.Thing 2 has a different personality than Thing 1, but that is ok.

I on the other hand have not been ok. I have been very negative, and apathetic. I have read that Postpartum Depression can worsen with each consecutive child. That worries me, quite frankly. We are not done having children but I do not know what scares me more, having more kids or having PPD worsen with each one. Hubby has been very sensitive to my needs and at the first sign of being depressed, he told me that I was going to talk to someone whether I liked it or not. LOL I love him so much.

However, I do not love not being happy or at least content with anything. It is a vicious circle that I get into. I hate not being happy, that leads to me not wanting to get out of bed, which leads to things not getting done around the house, which leads to me not being happy again.

I am now currently dealing with the reality that, Yes, I do in fact have Postpartum Depression and that I can do something about it and I do not have to suffer alone or in silence. It is still a daily struggle to find the positive and uplifting moments of the day, but it will become easier. I just have to work toward the goal of focusing on the Positive things and people who God has placed in my life and not the Negative. So to wrap it all up, I will be talking on a regular basis with a good friend who has herself experienced this.

To all the women out there, who have dealt with, or are dealing with this issue, keep your chin up and you will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Have a great week!!!


Busy, Busy, Busy……..

OK, So I missed posting last week because I was CRAZY Busy. My agenda for the last week or two has been as follows:

Apr 21- Bachelorette Party

Apr 22- Church/Food shopping for Wedding

Apr 23- Finish Bouquets for Bridal Party

Apr 24- Get dress altered and fitted

Apr 25- Decorating Banquet Hall

Apr 26- Decorating Reception Hall/Church

Apr 27- Decorating Church, Rehearsal, Rehearsal Dinner (oh did I mention that Thing 1 decided to spike a 104 fever the middle of the afternoon and we had to make an emergency trip to the pediatrician that resulted in her cutting 3 molars and 2 other teeth on the same day, and I almost did not make it to the rehearsal????? Yeah…….this was a GRAND day……..(heavy sarcasm if you did not catch it) oh and the Bride finally decided to start telling us what she really wanted as decorations)

Apr 28- Wedding (Thing 1 was fine in the morning, but by 11 am she was throwing up and cutting those aforementioned teeth so Hubby decided to stay home with her- God bless his soul! Oh yeah and we had an earthquake this morning too)

Apr 29- Church

Apr 30- My sister and niece fly into Las Vegas my parents go pick them up

May 1- My brothers Birthday- Family Dinner

May 2- Running Errands, paying Bills, Grocery Shopping

May 3- Cleaning house/Church

May 4- Thing 2’s 2 month checkup, Hubby’s work schedule changes, Decorating for Mother Daughter Banquet, Tie Dying shirts

So now that everyone is caught up…….My Mommy Moments for these last two weeks was when Thing 1 spiked her 104 fever and when I Tye dyed shirts tonight.

I had already been burning the candle on both ends to help get my friends wedding together and trying to keep every other plate spinning. So when I took Thing 1’s temperature and saw the numbers, it was like the world slammed on the brakes. My baby was sick and needed her mommy!

 I was exhausted but no matter what, I was going to make sure she got better and that I was with her every step of the way. I panicked and broke down crying for a minute right after we discovered how high her fever was. Thankfully her pediatrician checked her out and explained that on top of the teething, she had probably overheated. (That day was close to 90 degrees) I am so thankful for my Pediatrician and my family. Without them I do not know how I would have gotten through it! My hubby is a total saint for staying home with her on Saturday, because Thing 1 is a handful on a good day, and just almost impossible when she does not feel good.

Tonight I Tye dyed shirts and Onesies for our Mother daughter Banquet tomorrow. I had never done it before and it was SO fun! I encourage you to try it if you have not! I thought they would come out looking kind of dumb, but they did not! They look totally cute and awesome! (Well except for mine, it looks like a dalmatian got caught inside a paint factory that blew up, but oh well…..LOL) I loved the look Thing 1’s face when I showed her the onesie I had made for her! It made me feel so proud that I had made something for her that she liked! I cannot wait till she is old enough to do some of these things with me!

 I will post pictures as soon as I can from tomorrow and from the wedding.